Micromimicry: The trained gaze of twins
- Annika Viktoria Ritter
- Feb 21, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Mar 1, 2024
A quick glance is all it takes for Julia to read and decode her twin brother's facial expressions. Benjamin also confirms that being so close to his twin sister has made him an expert in facial expressions.
I am an identical twin and was born as a we with a 3D mirror. The Twinterview confirms and objectifies my self-exploration of my twin perspective.
In this Twinterview I talk to Julia and Benjamin Krajnik from Berlin. They are 18-year-old fraternal twins who have just finished school and are thinking about what they want to do with their lives.
They tell me that their relationship is characterised by empathy and consideration, and how important these are for getting along in a small space.
What a pair of fraternal twins can teach us about difference and equality
1. No envy, no fighting!
Julia and Benjamin hardly ever fought until they were in primary school, says their mother. In the interview we explore this question.
Julia herself finds it very interesting today and can only explain that the outbreak of fights is more to do with the environment in which you grow up. They were very close as children and hardly felt envy towards each other. They also wonder whether the fact that you are very jealous of your sibling might have something to do with your upbringing. Julie explains that she knows exactly where that point is when a fight breaks out, so it's easy for her not to fight.
Benjamin mentions that they had fought a few times in kindergarten, but it was so minor that it was hardly worth mentioning. They had spent so much time together in kindergarten and their group of friends had been much more diverse. Boys and girls just played together.
The bigger fights wouldn't have happened until primary school. The other children would have shown them how to do it. Benjamin played with the boys and Julia with the girls. Not only would there have been a basic argument between boys and girls, but there would have been different influences that would have led to more arguments.
Julia remembers that at a certain age they wanted to live out their individuality and independence. For example, when Julia's friends said that the boys were stupid, they were less loyal to each other because they wanted to find their connection with other people outside their comfort zone.
2. Gender-neutral games: quite normal for twins.
When I asked about playing together, Benjamin talked enthusiastically about "Little Pet Shop" - little toy animals they both got from their aunt that were more for girls. Nobody had taught them that this could only be interesting for girls. That's why it was the same. When they were little, they played a lot together and created a little play universe with stories, a cuddly toy council and even a newspaper they wrote themselves. There was hardly any difference between girls' and boys' games, they were just interested in the same things.
Things only changed a little in primary school. They both believe that in the beginning it was mainly due to external influences. It's not necessarily the case that girls intuitively only like pink. Benjamin says that at some point his friends only played with Lego and that rubbed off on him. Julia confirms that at some point different interests developed. It is a mixture of internal and external circumstances. And they also say that maybe in order to differentiate themselves, they were looking for something that would make them different. Benjamin was definitely more interested in computer games and Julia, for example, painted more.
3. Comparison leads to competition
Both had different groups of friends at school. Julia went out with girls, Benjamin with boys. As a result, they both naturally drifted apart. Julia says that she was in an environment where grades were important and she became very ambitious. She smiles and says that she sat in the front row. Benjamin, on the other hand, like his classmates, found the school less strict.
Benjamin thinks they wouldn't have been able to compete as much because of their different interests. He didn't really care if Julia did better at school. And it wasn't important to Julia that he was better at sports. But if they had been in a comparable situation, for example a simultaneous exam, it would have been important for Benjamin to at least be better than Julia.
Julia notes that it's a different situation when you bring home different grades and your parents can compare directly because you're the same age. Then you would have had to justify a lower grade. Benjamin thinks that comparing and justifying would be less pronounced with only children.
4. Micromimicry: the twins' trained gaze
Julia told me in the preliminary interview that she had noticed that she could tell how Benjamin was feeling by the subtle changes in her brother's face, the so-called microfacial expressions. In stressful situations, she could immediately see how his face changed after a word or sentence and knew what was going on inside him. She wouldn't look at individual facial features, but her mind would automatically translate them into meaning. And he would have confirmed what she already knew.
Benjamin also thinks it's perfectly normal to know how Julia is doing because they've spent more time together than most people. As twins, they not only lived under the same roof and saw each other every day, but they were also the same age, had the same interests, the same friends and shared a room for 18 years. They spent more time with each other than with their parents.
Benjamin believes that it does something to a person to always have a mirror with them from the start and to experience how an action leads to a different effect. You would be constantly reflecting on yourself and storing experiences, so your mind would have stored certain reactions of another person to your own actions. Julia pays attention not only to facial expressions but also to gestures, language and tone of voice. She finds it very interesting that this aspect is similar for the three of us.
5. Twin siblings: It is impossible to spend more time together!
As twins, you are always together, not only during the 9 months in the womb, but also as babies, toddlers, teenagers and young adults. Because we're the same age, we do everything together and have fun together.
Benjamin says he can imagine being an only child, you are often alone and have to entertain yourself. As twins you have similar interests, you share experiences and talk about them all the time.
You're rarely bored. He is, and may remain, the person you have spent most of your life with. That's why you automatically have a very close bond.
And it would probably be quite natural for you to be able to interpret your twin so well because of this close bond that you have automatically learned to put yourself in the other person's shoes and to read and interpret patterns of behaviour. In comparison, their consideration for each other and other people would be more pronounced than in a circle of friends.
The two say that they have two much older brothers. One is 15, the other 17 years older.
"When you have someone of the same age, you can talk to each other as equals, but if the age difference was as big as your brothers, you would communicate differently. Your brothers would be in a more respectful position.“
It would be very different if your brothers and sisters were almost adults when you were a little child. They would all like each other very much and do a lot together, but the age difference would create distance.
6. The Twins' strong sense of justice.
I'm interested to see if Julia and Benjamin also have this strong sense of equality for sharing.
"Oh yes, when we were younger you could always tell when someone was being taken advantage of," says Benjamin.
They would have clashed, says Benjamin. If someone had received less, the question would have been who was worth how much.
The sense of justice was formed very early on.
"It was a bit childish," laughs Julia.
When there were sweets to be shared, no one could cut a piece without being watched by the others.
Today it is less about material things and more about fair sharing as a value in other aspects and contexts of their lives. It is important to Julia that everyone is treated equally. In addition to empathy, they would probably have a stronger sense of justice than singletons.
7. Thinking of others should always be at the back of your mind.
Finally, I ask Julia and Benjamin what singletons can learn from them and other twins.
"When you're a twin, you learn to get along with another person in a small space and to share everything in some way, even in the household, for example” says Benjamin.
Both sides would do their work and know the importance of being fair. And you would have learnt how to keep your temper and stop others from getting angry. You would know how to talk to someone and how to address them.
Julia confirms that on school trips, when they were in charge of something as a group, she always made sure that no one was taken advantage of. She noticed that some children were less considerate or unable to share. They were only children. It wouldn't have always been like this, but she would have noticed. They mean that as a twin you don't want to do less than the other.
Julia wants to convey that she believes it is so important for all people and for the world to empathise with others in order to develop a sense of connection and compassion. You should practice this and talk about it with your friends. But above all, always be compassionate from your own heart.
Twin Tip: for empathy and perception training
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Step 1: Go into a meditative state to achieve as neutral and conscious state as possible. If you don't have much practice, use tools that make it easy for you. For example, a candle meditation: Place a candle in front of you and look into the flame - try not to blink. Become, be the candle. |
Step 2: Partner soap bubble exercise. Imagine that you are sitting in a bubble with a partner. You are connected in the bubble and from there you begin to intuitively express what feelings you are experiencing. Examples of topics What did you do at the weekend? How did you feel at primary school? What was your favourite teacher? etc. |
Step 3: Objectify your perception together with your partner by asking the other person to respond clearly with yes or no to your perceived statements. When a no comes, pay attention to whether you are interpreting or describing your feeling. It helps to objectify your perception if you describe the feeling again when a no comes and you are unsure about it. From there you can get to the truth. The layer of feelings is the level of truth. Tip: Goose bumps are a clear sign of "truthfulness". |
Step 4: The exchange helps to train perception and to distinguish between beliefs or wrongly anchored feelings and true feelings. |
Looking in the 3D mirror: learning to decode emotions!
I am 25 years older than Julia and Benjamin. I remember that, even as girls, we felt the difference between boys and girls very clearly. So much so that we didn't go to the "building corner" at kindergarten because the boys destroyed everything we built. Playing with Lego was only possible at home.
We girls made fun of the boys and thought they were very stupid, but the separation was already there. I think something has changed for the better here, and that makes me happy. Because what you can see with fraternal twins is that we have different interests, of course, but that a lot changes because of the external social and societal systems.
What I have also noticed is that Julia and Benjamin have very few of the negative aspects that I know from myself and other twins. They fight and compete much less and are less jealous of each other. And they appreciate each other's individuality. I have the impression that the joint development has led to more empathy and mutual understanding in the group.
And this is exactly what a study of twins on the types of relationships that differ significantly between identical twins and fraternal twins agrees with. Dizygotic twins have chosen the most beautiful form of twinhood because, although they are very close, they are automatically compared less by their physical situation, become aware of themselves much more quickly, and can shape their own individual lives much more easily in connection with each other.
And yet, of course, it also depends on your own soul and what your parents model for you.
Do you find it difficult to "distance" yourself from another person and to distinguish your feelings from theirs?
Or do you find it difficult to interpret another person's feelings? These are opposite positions and yet they are related. Training the mirror neurons and objectifying perception.
Book a coaching session with your partner now and learn to objectify your perception.
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